Hunter Savery ’20
The elitist snobs of the Tripod executive board recently penned an editorial entitled “Of Becky’s and Chad’s,” which was intended to be a humorous comment on the homogeneity of culture and fashion at Trinity.
However, in their self-righteous and vitriolic screed these coastal elites went too far by attacking a pillar of our society: the vest.
Go ahead, reach for the low-hanging fruit of Canada Goose and Range Rovers, as if the Tripod’s most talented writer hadn’t covered that years ago. I agree, this campus is saturated with excess and no one enjoys pointing out the foibles of the 1% more than me. But for the editors of The Trinity Tripod to have the gall to attack the humble vest? Egregious. Outlandish. Libelous! Us vest-wearers are a proud people: leaders, scholars, upstanding citizens one and all.
This campus is rife with Chads, sure, but to lump every last vest wearing Bantam in with the mongrels from Chadtucket is a grave mistake. Divisive rhetoric like this is tearing our country and campus apart and for the Tripod, Trinity’s most respected newspaper by default, to stoop to vest shaming is truly sad.
Another article in last week’s opinion section made the preposterous claim that speech cannot be violence, tell that to us vest-wearers! How can I walk around this campus now? Every step I take in a vest is one marked with fear that I will be called a “Chad.” My name isn’t even close to Chad. If they called me Tucker I would still be insulted, but at least I would understand it, Hunter—Tucker, there’s a similarity, but I am no Chad. My arms get hot! So what!? What is your problem, Brendan?
Vests are comfortable, fashionable, and provide a range of motion unfound in any other form of outerwear. The vest might as well be the official garment of Trinity College, a culturally significant symbol, like the Chapel or that metal guy on the quad with his hand in the air. The lemon squeezer is irrelevant compared to the vest. Between Barbour jackets, Patagonia Synchillas, and Canada Goose there is already a paucity of outerwear diversity. Why limit ourselves further by cancelling the venerable vest?
The vest may be popular among bros, golfers, and prep school dunces, but they are also popular among fishers, environmentalists, and the troops. Ragging on the vest is like criticizing America, if you don’t like it, you can go to Russia! The vest is filled with patriotic symbolism, the freedom from sleeves represents freedom from tyranny or one could interpret the lack of sleeves as taxation, which is of course theft.
The zipper represents the way that America is stronger when it comes together and the pockets, well actually the pockets are just pockets, but they’re useful!
Now I don’t know if vests existed in the time of Christ, maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, but I contend that vestliness is next to godliness. If the editors of this “newspaper” think this kind of editorial is funny, they’re right, but it’s 2019, my feelings are hurt, and I demand attention!
As a wise man once said, “Give me liberty, or give me vest!”