Trinity Remodels?

Angelica Gajewski ’26

Contributing Writer

Whether it be the Life Science Center’s brutalism, or Seabury Hall’s stuffy vintage academia aesthetic, Trinity can’t quite make up its mind about what it wants to look like. While it may be fun to cosplay as Oppenheimer in the Clement chemistry building, most students agree that there is a great need for more universally appealing third spaces on campus. Therefore, here are three proposals for common space remodels that serve every member of our campus community:

The Raether Library Reimagined

Since it is counterproductive to make the sleepiest and most overstimulated among us to walk up stairs, the first floor will become the silent floor. To further accommodate the student body, those chaises (you know, the ones next to the seed library) will be installed. To offset the library’s overachieving air conditioning system, complementary fuzzy blankets will be available.

A Space for Contemporary Spiritual Practices

The Chapel’s dedication to serving the spiritual needs of all students extends to Charli XCX believers and those alike. LED light strips will be fitted amongst walls and pews to inspire truly transformational worship. Sermons will be held by DJs provided by The Mill. Donations of at least two cartridges are recommended but not required.

Let’s Move! (the obese squirrels)

Once the Theater and Dance studios are moved to Seabury Hall in an attempt to pacify artists’ self-importance, the open studios will then be utilized as petting zoos. All profits made from the zoo will go towards Trinity College’s pilates centered weight loss camp for overweight campus squirrels in need. Volunteers from campus sororities work as instructors as part of their philanthropy.