Letter From the Editor: Friendship and Discomfort

Olivia Silvey ’25

Editor-in-Chief

Now that Trin Days have passed by, and Halloweekend is coming up, it’s about the time of year when first-year friend groups are put to the test. All of us upperclassmen probably not-so-fondly recall these weeks in October when, as a first-year, you feel socially off-balance: the 30 people you did campus walks with in September now don’t say hi back on the Long Walk, or the honeymoon period in your one-room double is starting to wear off. I think it’s a safe bet that a large number of you first-years feel lonely or, maybe even worse, stuck in friendships that you’re realizing don’t quite fit. Hear me when I say: all is not lost. 

While each of us has a unique social experience at Trinity – and therefore what I am about to discuss might only apply to some – I think it’s safe to say that all of us have struggled with our relationships in college at some point. First-years are not the only ones who experience this. However, it seems that the first few months at Trinity can truly feel like a make-or-break moment regarding friendships. Everyone knows that there are plenty of social shifts that happen around this time, but less realize (myself included) that these shifts can, and do, happen throughout college even until senior year. 

When I first came to Trinity, I knew I had to be more of a social butterfly than my usual self, since I was not an athlete nor a New England native. It was sometimes difficult to watch my high school friends canter off to Mizzou or KU where there was at least one, if not multiple, people they already knew heading in that same direction. That just pushed me to live outside of my comfort zone even more. I’ve always recounted that the first six weeks of college were the most extroverted I’ve ever been, and I’m still proud of that fact. I would talk to people next to me in class (even when it felt forced) and sit with new people in Mather. 

For me, the post-Trin Days friend group change didn’t happen. The people I was close with at the beginning of freshman year ended up staying my close friends until the end of sophomore year. I was delighted to have somehow dodged the dramatic splitting apart of friendships – until I started to realize that there were still pieces missing in my social relationships at Trinity. 

By no means is this op-ed a result of residual bitterness towards any friends made in my first two years at Trinity. Rather, I think it speaks to how easy (and harmful) it became to settle into a niche, and stop pushing myself out of my comfort zone socially. I wasn’t involved in many campus organizations (tell that to my Google calendar these days and she wouldn’t believe it), I ate all my meals with the same people and spent a lot of time in my room. I spent my fair share of time on Vernon Street during the weekends, chatting with friends of friends, but I left those nights feeling mentally drained; every conversation felt like a gargantuan effort to be less awkward, be more social, just say the right thing and everything will be fine. 

Everything was not fine – I was stuck. The Olivia from the first six weeks of freshman year was gone. When I experienced social situations that drained me, I simply accepted that as how I was supposed to feel, instead of seeking out situations that energized me. 

At this point, towards the end of sophomore year, I realized that I had to start making some difficult changes to how I approached my Trinity experience. I took the terrifying step of living alone for my junior year. I applied to the Writing Center. I started putting more work into the Tripod. I reminded myself to worry less about others’ perceptions and more about my own experience. 

Now, I am here – senior year – surrounded by some of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. My activities (while sometimes stretching me thin) fuel me; I seek out my friends to energize myself instead of seeing it as something I have to do. Importantly, my alone time feels much more valuable and special, rather than the only way to recharge my mental energy. 

At this point, you all have a play-by-play of my friendships at Trinity. Why am I telling you this? My hope is that one of you – first-year, sophomore, junior or even senior – reads this and realizes a few things: one, that the shifting of social groups is not limited to your first year, and if it happens later in your Trinity career, that is completely okay; two, it is incredibly important to pay attention to how people and situations make you feel (Drained? Energized? Uncomfortable? Relaxed?); and finally, to build on that, you must be willing to shake up your life if it’s not working. The third point is much easier said than done, but as someone who has done it, I can safely say I’m grateful that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. 

And specifically to first-years: follow the people, organizations and activities that fuel your fire. Take some time to think about how you are already doing that in your life, and how you could do more. To finish off on potentially the corniest note possible: change is always inevitable, and it’s up to you to be there for it with open arms.