RuPaul’s Secret Fracking Fiasco: Trinity College’s Slippery Slope from Campus Upgrade to Oil Crusade

RuPaul’s Son ’25

Big Oil Fan

In an unprecedented turn of events, Trinity College’s South Campus Heating & Cooling Upgrade Project, which began in 2022 and was supposedly aimed at modernizing the college’s aging infrastructure, has taken a wild turn for something far more… oily. Sources close to the matter, preferring to remain anonymous for fear of being dipped in the crude whisper of an underground fracking operation, spearheaded by none other than RuPaul herself, who, during an undercover campus tour disguised as an ordinary student, reportedly sniffed out vast oil deposits beneath the LSC quad with her superhuman senses.

But why, you ask, would a prestigious institution like Trinity College venture into the slippery world of oil extraction? The answer might lie in a colossal $1 billion donation from the drag queen superstar, specifically for “campus improvements.” The college administration, usually not one to shy away from its claims of transparency, has been unusually tight-lipped about the project like its investments in industries like fossil fuels and the military-industrial complex that further climate crisis and global injustice, leading to rampant speculation and conspiracy theories among the student body. The once-green and bustling LSC quad is now a barren wasteland, with only a few lonely machines dotting the landscape, surrounded by impenetrable covers preventing prying eyes from discovering the truth.

Amid the din of construction (or should we say extraction?) that has now suspiciously quieted down, the college has not updated the community on the project’s progress, further fueling rumors of the covert operation. From certain vantage points like Jackson Hall, one can barely make out the desolation that was once a vibrant lush green quad, leading to increased frustrations over the lack of green spaces—and answers.

Enter TrinDivests, a student-led advocacy group pushing for transparency and divestment from fossil fuels. Amidst this backdrop of secrecy and speculation, their cause has never been more critical. Sadly, their calls for transparency and ethical investment seem to fall on deaf ears, as the college continues to shroud its financial records in secrecy, including the details of RuPaul’s billion-dollar contribution and its implications for the college’s environmental policies.

While the college boasts of reducing CO2 emissions and being sustainable, these efforts seem laughably inadequate if, behind the scenes, it’s contributing to the very crisis it purports to fight against. As the college navigates this new uproar over its secret project, the community is left to ponder the price of progress and the value of transparency in an era where environmental integrity is often pitted against the pursuit of prosperity.

In a world where truth can be stranger than fiction, Trinity College must be transparent about its “heating and cooling” project. Is this project an honest attempt to modernize the campus infrastructure, or is it a cover-up for an environmentally harmful oil venture? Only time will reveal the truth. However, until then, the college community deserves answers. They shouldn’t have to deal with detours or excavators surrounded by mystery. It’s time for Trinity College to examine its practices and make sure they align with its values. Will they prioritize the planet and its people/students, or will the temptation of oil and money take precedence?