After Fourteen Month Search, Campo Arrests Pulitzer Prize Winning Bathroom Poet on Charges of Plagiarism and Vandalism

4 min read

Lady Bantamdown ’26

Aspiring Poet

The notorious Bathroom Poet has published, perhaps, for the final time. On April 1, 2024, after an intense golf cart chase down the Long Walk, Campo intercepted a hooded individual seen rushing out of the Cave bathroom with ink-stained fingers. For over a year, the Bathroom Poet has scrawled words of romance, sorrow, and wisdom in toilet stalls across campus, drawing both praise and criticism for members of the Trinity community. As reported in our Feb. 13 issue, the Poet recently drew international acclaim when they were awarded a Pulitzer Prize for their inspired and impactful writing.  

In the past months, the bandit has gradually spread their writings to almost every bathroom on campus, from the basement of the library, to the crumbling halls of the  LSC, to the all-gender bathrooms outside of Mather. Yet, until yesterday, Campo was never vigilant enough to catch the mysterious writer. After months of searching, officers were able to identify the Cave bathrooms as the author’s base location.  In recent weeks, Campo has been seen milling about the area, watching and waiting for a sign of the Poet.  After a year-long reign as campus’s most famous writer (sorry, Tripod staff), the Poet made a career-ending mistake: not washing their hands after entering the restroom, which is a disturbingly common affliction among many Trinity students.  Campo noted that despite the Poet’s disguise of sunglasses, a hat, and a hoodie, they were easily identified as engaging in suspicious activity because their hands were smudged with black ink. When the Poet noticed Campo and began to slyly rush away, a black sharpie fell out of their pocket, initiating the chase between the writer and Campo. The suspect was then arrested on charges of plagiarism of 2014 Tumblr posts and vandalism of the nastiest bathrooms on campus.  

In a press conference Monday night, Campo announced that the hearing date with Trinity’s Honor Council, which has worldwide jurisdiction that trumps any other American or international court, has been set for April 20.  “We are relieved to have caught this vandal after over a year of incidents across campus,” said the Chief of Campo.  “The plagiarism of so many emo Tumblr posts and Wattpad fanfictions has been disturbing to many students and faculty members.  We look forward to seeing justice served after the Honor Council makes its decision.”  International free speech and literary expression groups have begun to share press releases in defense of the Pulitzer Prize winning Bathroom Poet, calling the arrest a threatening act of censorship.  Angered students have begun to write “FREE OUR POET”  beside the Poet’s original writings in campus bathrooms.

Despite the chase and arrest, the Bathroom Poet’s identity has yet to be revealed, with Campo stating in their press conference that they have no plans to share that information. And so, one of Trinity’s greatest mysteries will live on. Although their hands are bound and they are unable to write more toilet messages for the near future, the legacy of the Bathroom Poet lives on in any student who uses a public campus restroom and reads their words. Perhaps an unknown heir will take up the Sharpie and carry on what the original Poet began.  Because if the Poet taught us anything, it is that we all have the power to share our thoughts through the underground bathroom network.  There is a hidden Bathroom Poet inside us all.

This author finds it difficult to believe this arrest will stop the Bathroom Poet after such a long and powerful reign.  So know that when you leave for twenty minutes in the middle of your class to sit in a bathroom stall and scroll on TikTok, the Bathroom Poet could be writing another Pulitzer Prize winning phrase right beside you.  Or perhaps you are the one in that stall uncapping your permanent marker and allowing your words of inspiration to flow.  And if you, reader, are the elusive yet acclaimed Bathroom Poet – from one scorned author to another, I say carry on.

This is an ongoing story.

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