[Kidding, Not Kidding] Actor Dean Cain Named Newest College Dean

Hugh Jass ’23

College Jester

The television actor best known for his role as Superman is the latest in the string of entirely new (but extremely necessary) administrative positions swelling the administrative ranks at Trinity. Dean Cain joins as the newest dean and the Dean of Deanships. 

Although not required to wear leotards and a cape, the Man of Steel has already expressed a desire to be called either “Dean Dean” or “Dean Kal-El.” 

“Not since Zod have I faced an adversary this formidable,” commented Trinity’s new Dean. “Powerful locomotives and speeding bullets? No problem. US News & World Report? Sorry, that’s my Kryptonite,” admitted Cain, apparently referring to the ranking of the College which now stands at an all-time low of #46 among National Liberal Arts Colleges in the US News & World Report ranking. 

On fiscal policy, Dean Dean commented: “I may be Superman, but I can tell you I’m no Super Spender,” referring to the soaring cost of a Trinity education now at an all-time high of $77,270 per year. “Not a fan. That’s way more than the University of Kryptonopolis.”

Trinity’s newest dean joins the ranks of an administration that has been criticized as top-heavy with more Vice Presidents than any other school in the NESCAC. The excesses aren’t limited to the top tier either. From 2014-2019, Trinity hired 100 new staff, but only six were employed in actual instructional roles. The administration is busting at the seams with highly compensated paper pushers that include a Dean of Restorative Justice and an Associate Dean of Restorative Justice, a part-time Chief of Staff (with a six-figure salary) along with a Deputy Chief of Staff and a “Special Assistant,” a Director of Community Service & Civic Engagement, and a Program Manager in the Office of Community Relations.  

It’s been said that it’s lonely at the top, but not at Trinity. Welcome, Dean Dean.