- It is a Wednesday morning in your sophomore year.
- You wake up in the hockey house.
- Not planning to have stayed over, you put on your outfit from the night before (Aritzia faux leather pants and a slut top). It is crumpled and smells like Marlboro Gold cigarettes and your humiliationship’s Axe deodorant.
- In your attempt to sneak out the back door unnoticed, you encounter one of his roommates, who stares at you like he has never seen another human being before in his life.
- While crossing Allen St., you encounter one of your professors driving down the street. He stops to let you cross the road as you make direct eye contact.
- You were going to skip your morning class, but now that your professor has seen you, you have no choice but to walk with him directly to the classroom.
- “Rough night?” he asks.
- You did not have time to reapply makeup, or get breakfast.
- The class in question is an 8 a.m. seminar (participation REQUIRED), and you did not do the reading.
- While in class, you get a text from your friends that reads “Hey girl. We should prob have a conversation about what you did last night…” You have no memory of what they are talking about. Your phone promptly dies.
- You skip your second class in order to change clothes, but your roommate reminds you that you have not done laundry yet. You put on a weak fit.
- By the way, the class you missed had a pop quiz worth 50 points. Everyone who took it remarks on how easy it was in the class group chat. There are no make-ups.
- At lunch, Mather is especially crowded, so you run across campus to the Bistro, hoping to grab something before your 1:30.
- Only once you are at the Bistro do you remember you are out of swipes and meal dollars for the week. You leave empty-handed.
- On the Long Walk, you are stopped by the social media team to ask what song you are listening to. Of all of your playlists, you have on Three6Mafia. They appear unimpressed.
- The midterm you thought you did well on, you got a C- (off from a C+ by 1 point.)
- To de-stress, you change and head to the gym after class only to discover that all treadmills are taken. Also, football guys took all of the 10-20 lb weights. You leave after only five minutes.
- The barista fucks up your drink order at Peter B’s and also it’s inexplicably $7. (Technically $9 because you tipped. The barista still scowled at you regardless.)
- Still out of swipes, you go to Mather for dinner, where the main line is only serving meatloaf and the Grill House only has turkey burgers.
- You see your situationship in the stir fry line and he avoids eye contact. He hard-launches a girlfriend on his Instagram story an hour later.
- Back at your dorm, the hot water is out, so you take a cold shower before getting in bed.
- You open TikTok to see the Trinity College account posted the video from this afternoon. Just as you suspected, everyone else in the video has on a better outfit and is listening to more niche music.
- You open the comments to see “her fit weak asl.”
- It’s the top comment.
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