Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? It Doesn’t Have To Be! 

Cate Griffin ’27

Contributing Writer

On Oct. 29th, British Vogue published an article titled  “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”, which immediately made waves on the internet. You’ve probably seen i t— everyone I know, even my middle-aged mom, has something to say about whether or not having a boyfriend is still a signifier of social status or point of pride. The article declares that it is “now fundamentally uncool to be a boyfriend-girl,” and that maybe now society is progressing in a direction in which a woman doesn’t need a man — not in a necessarily feminist, “I’m a strong, independent woman who can open my own pickle jar” way, but rather to fortify her own identity, her womanhood and her worth. 

Scroll on social media for a few minutes, and you’ll see exactly what the author means. My Instagram explore page features endless discussion of what defines a “girls’ girl,” and my TikTok For You page is filled with videos filmed to audios like “this is for girls only!” and “why would a man be there?” Even the concept of the “soft launch” of a romantic partner (but almost always a boyfriend) shows that women are actively trying to become less male-centered. 

But this is social media, and (as is often forgotten) not real life. When you’re perpetually immersed in the environment of the college dating scene, the answer to the question “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?” doesn’t seem so clear-cut. Especially not in the era of the situationship — the dreaded state in between dating and “casually” hooking up that’s so prevalent on college campuses. After all, what could be more embarrassing than actively having to convince a man to be in an exclusive relationship with you? Probably not having a boyfriend. 

With the prevalence of situationships at Trinity, and within college culture as a whole, many still consider boyfriends to be the prize. A boyfriend is proof that Jack from lacrosse chose you out of all of the gorgeous women crowding the frats on the weekend, and therefore a sign that you’re special and worthy enough to make him “settle down” and commit to someone. It doesn’t matter if Jack from lacrosse is funny, smart or generally interesting at all — he’s more of an accessory, like a purse or a phone case, than anything. And like a cool new purse or phone case, he’s also a status symbol, something that can be flaunted around campus or on social media. “Look at us,” your National Boyfriends Day Instagram story declares to the public, “we love each other, and you’ve been in a five-month situationship with the same guy!”

At the same time, Jack from lacrosse doesn’t really add anything to your life; in fact, he takes away from it — everyone who’s had a friend with an objectively mediocre boyfriend knows exactly what I mean. Suddenly her schedule is occupied by some guy who’s not even half as cool as she is, and you absolutely can’t understand what’s so special about Brandon or Zach or Clayton for her to be cancelling plans to spend time with him. You hate talking about her relationship because you have nothing positive to say. He’s a boyfriend, and he’s there, but that’s about it — like a cardboard cutout fulfilling a societally-expected role. 

This is the kind of boyfriend that it’s embarrassing to have — embarrassing in the sense that it’s no longer socially acceptable to shape your life around a completely average man. We’ve long since passed the point of depending on men to complete our lives, and more and more women are realizing that they’re happier embracing their identities irrespective of men. Even within the college dating scene, where there’s always the pressure of feeling like you have to find your life partner, most girls I know are single by choice — not because boyfriends are uncool, but because settling for someone just to reinforce your self-worth is very uncool. Jack from lacrosse just won’t cut it anymore. That’s embarrassing.