Staying Sane in a Time of Doom and Despair

Charlotte Stack ’29

Happiest Girl on Campus

The frigid temperatures and lack of sunlight have plagued Hartford, leaving even the happiest of Trinity students a bit bummed out. In an effort to break this downward spiral, here is a list of recommended behaviors to change and outlooks to reframe, which might just make Connecticut a little happier. 

1. Spend all of your Money on Senseless Trinkets

Although this will eventually cause your mood to plummet, research shows that spending money on mass-produced pieces of plastic meant to occupy your attention for a mere three minutes is the best way to become happier. A colorful stress-toy or fun hair accessory can really turn your terrible hour into a better one. Not sure where to start? Look up “Sonny Angles,” and get ready to drop thousands. If you begin to experience post-purchase regret, just buy some more. The problem will go away eventually, right? 

2. Spend all day Bed Rotting

Absolutely no one can be unhappy when they are snug as a bug in bed. Under layers of cozy blankets, who can even hear the email notifications from Trinity Today? By staying horizontal, the body stays in a perpetual state of happiness, thus unable to feel the slightest ounce of depression. So the next time your therapist tells you to spend more time outdoors, just go back to bed. You can’t go outside if you’re asleep! SSRIs are only for those who choose to leave their plush mattress toppers. Bonus points if you keep your curtains closed during this – the sunlight can get us anywhere. 

3. Stop Going to Class

If all the required readings and mindless lectures have got you down, then just ignore them! It is the unfortunate truth that school can stress students out, so why not just stop doing them? By evading class, the body immediately feels much happier. Combine that with the aforementioned bed rotting, and you’ve just cracked the code to infinite dopamine and serotonin. The best parts of Trinity are the people, the food and the opportunities, not silly learning! Only embrace the best that this school has to offer, and I guarantee you will feel much better. If professors start emailing, just refer back to number 2. 

4. Cut-Off Contact with Everyone

The senseless drama and empty conversations that come with human contact can really diminish a person’s mood. So, instead of trying to forge meaningful relationships with the people around you, just stop talking to everyone entirely! Once you have more time to focus on yourself, your happiness will increase. Some believe that humans are social creatures who thrive on interacting with one another, but I disagree. We need to spend less time together and more time alone, as that is what will brighten spirits. Why would you tell someone about your day over a shared meal when you could eat in solitude and recount your day silently? Humans will devolve to no longer require contact, and you want to be ahead of the curve. 

Winter is hard, but hopefully these tips will make it better. I might just be a first-year college student, but I think I might have cracked the code on brain chemistry.