Neurotic & Knows It ’25
Do you often find yourself being a little too realistic? Maybe you approach most situations with a “worst case scenario” perspective, or you always blame yourself when things go awry…well it’s time you adopt a new outlook on life, and it’s called being delusional. I know what you’re thinking, how can I get anywhere in life living in delulu land? Afterall, didn’t Kendall Roy say, “let’s not live in a fantasy world, maybe’s are no’s?” Forget the words of every aspiring fincanier’s favorite nepo baby, and embrace this new wave of unrealistic expectations, even doctors have gone as far to say that being delusional may improve your mental health! With that being said, don’t we all want to feel a little bit better about ourselves? Stress a little less about that guy riding the bench? Nevertheless, your answer should be yes.
Thus, the first thing you need to remind yourself is that you are the greatest thing to happen since the digitization of team rosters! It’s obvious that you know your worth and it’s understandable why that special someone has yet to respond to your Snapchat…you don’t text because he just loves to see your beautiful face. Thus, they’re just waiting for the right moment to open that snap so they can savor every second of your illustrious appearance (come on, you can’t blame ‘em). But wait, it seems they’ve left you on read? We all know exactly what happened … they took one look at you and were left speechless (in a good way of course). When it comes to delusionships, we all know that it’s the little things that matter! Like when he bought you a coffee from Peter B’s and paid for it with Bantam Bucks that are connected to his mom’s credit card, that’s not the bare minimum! It’s the MOST romantic thing that’s ever happened to you! And we all know that life on the hilltop is very busy! I mean, there are so many obligations… between making sure their doordash order doesn’t arrive while they’re in class, and connecting with fellow incoming summer analysts on LinkedIn, their hours available are limited. Thus, it totally makes sense that they only contact you between the hours of 12 and 2 (am that is), it’s honestly so kind of them to take time out of their VERY busy schedule to be with you!
I know that this may seem like a stretch, especially if you’re a realist, but it’s time to give up on reality and finally realize that being delulu is the solulu. And don’t just take it from me, the Empress of Delululand was once a Bant herself!