Bits & Pieces: Breaking News, Sept. 24

Angelica Gajewski ’26

Contributing Writer

North Campus Erupts Into Protest, Students Fighting for Return of Bistro Smoothie Bar

In the midst of campus wide mourning of The Bistro’s smoothie bar, unverified claims that claim day-old pesto pasta is the base of Bistro’s acai bowls have inspired student activists. Multiple on-campus health and fitness groups have claimed that The Bistro’s negligence is detrimental to students on keto and their gains. A coalition of students, led by that one student athlete that always wears tank tops in the winter, has come together and held massive (about five to 15 people) protests in solidarity with victims of The Bistro’s macronutrient violence.

Concerning the Rise of Grandma Culture

A pandemic most deadly for the elderly, the rising cost of childcare and the illegal occupations of territories on Instagram stories, all take a toll on our nation’s most vulnerable: liberal arts students with bangs. As a result, a shift in the culture of leisure and relaxation has taken place. In a shocking act of anti-capitalism and anti-girlbossification, some young people are choosing to slow down and embrace activities popular amongst the elderly. This dangerously mentally healthy trend has reached Trinity, with its crochet club and garden group increasing in student enrollment, the threat of grandma hobbies taking over has never been more prevalent.

Here’s the unnerving part: these recreational radicals can look like anyone: white women with bangs, English majors, white women without bangs, English majors on the Literature track, you, me (mostly me). Within the metal fences of Trinity College, they have no bounds. Luckily for you, I’ve taken it upon myself to investigate this social trend and attempt to identify indicators of individuals actively slowing down. This, however, has proven to be more difficult than expected. As with all things in life, the difficulty is in its presentation. Without thorough historical accuracy, I run the risk of naming this index distastefully.

I revere Bits and Pieces as the pinnacle of investigative reporting and after yielding no front page results by Googling “what is the most common grandma name,” edited to most common female elderly name” and one final try with “old lady names ideas,” I knew I’d have to actually open a link. In my research, I discovered that the category of elderly begins at age 65, and after consulting https://calculator.date, I can semi-confidently reveal that the youngest elderly person today would be born in 1959. In that year, while Cuba was not having a grand old time, many grand old ladies, mostly named Mary, had been born. Thus, I present you with an original and comprehensive guide to grandma culture, the Mary-esque Hobby Index: