Lead Pipe #1
Not the Reason You Feel Depressed
Dear Trinity Students and Faculty,
I write to you today with excitement for the new school year ahead, and with many plans in store. The 25-26 school year saw immense construction and water problems, and we can only hope to continue this streak. As some of you may have noticed, our issues in the library were too vast to handle over the summer and repairs have bled into the school year; we can only pray that this work lasts the entire semester. The vast blue tarps surrounding the Gates Quad are arguably more scenic than the actual buildings themselves.
As for our upcoming plans, we do not wish to spoil these soggy developments, although we should note that Hansen flooding is inevitable. The building is old, and we get a thrill out of ruining someone’s plush bedding and white carpet. To the sophomores who got last pick in the housing lottery, we look forward to visiting you at your lowest. We will strike you on your busiest week, the night before the exam worth 70% of your grade. Do not try to avoid us, because the Hansen pipes see all.
However, we must admit that we jumped the gun on the Doonsbury plumbing late Wednesday night. Few Trinity students have heard of, or even glanced at the tiny residence hall next to Pike and across from Psi U, so we honestly didn’t want to cause a ruckus since we knew no one would care. But when a vulnerable student flushed a toilet unsuspectingly, all critical thought escaped and the toilet did not stop running. No attempts at stopping it ceased the water, and no, not even jiggling the handle. Before any decisions could be made about clearing the bathroom of personal products, the bottom of the toilet began leaking water as well, and a call was made to the Midnight Plumber who was mystified as to how a seemingly average toilet could wreak so much havoc. But what can I say, a magician never reveals their secrets!
Additionally, we would be remiss if we did not mention the recent upgrades to certain first-year bathrooms. This school may believe they are ahead of the problem by replacing the albeit janky restrooms with state-of-the-art pipes and doo-dads, but they are wrong. Trinity College plumbing has a way of messing everything up, especially when you have just spent thousands trying to get ahead of the problem. To the Jones residents who seem to believe that the dog days of Jones Hall are over, they are incorrect. We are coming.
There are many plumbing problems in the works for this school year, and we cannot wait until you get on YikYak to complain!
Sincerely,
Trinity Pipes
