From LinkedIn to Lovers: Finally, a Way to Find Love, Lust, Jobs, and Internships in One Convenient Website

LinkedIn Premium User ’23

Has Rizz

Did you meet your past sneaky link in ECON 101? Are you hoping to work at one of the Big Three post grad? While I’ve got news for you…As a non-target school, we are fully aware of where we stand. Sure, we may be better than Conn Coll, but to be frank we’re not at the level of any of the other “hidden Ivies.” With that being said, I’m sure you’ve come to the realization that you’re above Tinder, but have yet to reach the status of a Raya user. Thus, might I suggest you merge your sneaky link and job hunt into one…and turn to every aspiring incoming summer analyst’s favorite platform, LinkedIn. As we all know by now, the NESCAC runs on nepotism, and in a world where it’s not what you know, but who you know, LinkedIn is often one of the best tools when trying to create new connections whether that be in or out of the office. Unlike traditional dating apps, which are voluntary and highlight cheesy pick-up lines and hobbies, everyone makes a LinkedIn their freshman year of college, which means the user pool is much larger in comparison to that of Tinder or Hinge. Moreover, before you opt to “connect” with someone on LinkedIn you are able to see where they are from, past work experience, where they went for high school, their current college, and, if you’re lucky, their GPA. I know it may seem like these things shouldn’t matter, but as we know, everyone is on the hunt for a summer internship. Thus, As you scroll through the endless job listings, you come across an internship for one of the Big Three. Intrigued, you click the listing and realize that one of the first names that pops up as someone “from your school who works here” is your TA (who may or may not have just broken up with her boyfriend). Thus, for the sake of developing your career, and (hopefully, maybe…if you’re lucky) making the move from Summit Street to Wall Street, you decided to approach her. Sure you may be a freshman boarding school burnout, but according to last week’s Trinity Tripod that means you have rizz. Alas, after connecting with            Miss. LinkedIn, you attend one of her extra help sessions, in which you pop the question…”I saw you were previously a Summer Analyst at Goldman Sachs, I’d love to hear about your experience and overall why you wanted to work at Goldman?”  

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