The Student Body
Sad, Don’t Text
For those of you who are not already aware, the infamous Party Crasher and procurer of yellow security jackets, Mr. Campo Steve has left the nest. So, here is our collective letter to the new Campo Steve:
To the new Mr. Campo Steve,
I hope you know what you’re about to get yourself into. I’m sure you thought when you took this job, you expected to be dealing with double-parked Jeep Wranglers and the occasional overserved formal go-er, but I’m here to tell you it’s not going to be that easy…Sure we’re going to want to be on a first name basis with you but we do not want you to be on a first name basis with us. Thus, as we walk down Vernon Street possibly with an open drink in our hand please don’t call us out…that would be a waste of an ice cold high noon that we (our dad’s) were overcharged at H&L for. Nevertheless what we’re trying to get at here is a suggestion that maybe you take a different approach than your predecessor Campo Steve once did. Alas, rather than shutting things down at the early hour of 1:30, let the frat flames live on (at least for a few more songs). Anyways, don’t you want to be for the boys? Would you really want to come in the way of that 5th year on the hockey team and the freshman he’s talking to? (Yeah, I didn’t think so). I know your job here is to keep us safe, but by forcing the boys to play “Closing Time,” all you’re doing is making us depressed. Don’t you understand? Rizz can only take these boys so far…how else are they supposed to impress that one person of interest if they can’t queue their song request…So with that being said I wish you the best of luck protecting the nest…you only have a few weeks left, but you always have next fall.