The Trials of a Parent of Trinity Facebook Group: An Ethnography

Fields Thomas ’29

Staff Writer

Tanya’s Baby Boy Needs the RA’s Phone Number

SEEKING INFORMATION JONES HALL. Breaking news discovered regarding Jones Hall resident Martin Gordin:

Tanya Gordin sent our mass posts seeking officials’ help in finding RA’s contact information. Found on Trinity Parents, Tanya posted around 8pm, “My baby boy needs to be reminded to brush his teeth. Does anyone have the RA’s number for Jones?”

Eighteen-year-old, 6’3” grown man Martin Gordin is in desperate need of RA facilities, please contact necessary officials with any news to contribute.

Disputes of Underage Drinking Rampant on Campus

Barbra Collins has brought up some urgent news concerning life at Trinity that she is deeply concerned about:

Babra Collins writes, “My baby girl, Alyssa (Collins), is concerned with the rest of y’all children. There are rumors of DRINKING. My Alyssa, of course, would never.” She continues to warn parents of this dangerous pastime Alyssa’s friends are taking part in, warning them of this heinous act.

Fellow parent Tim McKissik commented, “How do you know Alyssa’s not also drinking?” to which Barbra Collins responded seconds later, “My dear sweet angel baby, at age 18, would never drink. She believes in the one God, Holy Trinity and divine benign. At this young age they are (eighteen); some may be led down a path of temptation, but not my baby girl. I am damn disappointed in Trinity’s lack of soberness this Halloween, on Friday. Does anyone have the RA’s number for Smith? It would be greatly appreciated.” 

Tim McKissik, eight hours later, simply responded, “No.”

Authorities Called After Heartbreaking News

Local authorities contacted mother Carol Scarsbarrow, who has voiced her concerns about her daughter. Federal agents are doing everything they can to best suit the case. 

Authorities were contacted about the state of the situation a few hours after Scarsbarrow posted publicly on the Trinity Parents Facebook group: “My baby girl, Emma, has absolutely no friends. Does anyone know how she can make any? She is blonde and 5’, and her name is EMMA SCARSBARROW if any of your kids want to befriend her.”

After hours of hopeless searching, one parent responded, “My son MADDOX THOMPSON (5’11” and brunette) also has no friends. He comes home every weekend. Maybe they should say ‘Hi.’ I’ll tell him she has no friends.” Authorities are linking the cases.

NEW OUTBREAK

Jack Fanin is failing his statistics class. I repeat — Jack Fanin is failing his statistics class. In a post on Trinity Parents, Susan Fanin, mother of Jack, writes, “Does anyone know the statistics professor’s number? My child, Jack Fanin, is failing his class.” Comments filled the post. One reader replies, “The same thing is happening to my baby boy.” Another says, “These teachers don’t understand how much pressure they are putting on our babies.” Former debater Ted McKissik wrote, “No.”