Trinity College Bookstore Transitions to Selling Blank Copies

Angelica Gajewski ‘26

Executive Bits & Pieces Editor

With seminar-style courses making up nearly half of the classes that take place at Trinity, many professors require hard-copies of class materials. In a hyper-digital age and with brain-rotting statistics at an all-time high, this requirement creates a massive barrier for effort-challenged students. “Required hard copies? Fascism…” says sophomore Jimothy Jackinoff, who spoke to a reporter with the Tripod outside his “dope-as-shit” High Rise quad. The Trinity College Bookstore devised a simple solution: blank copies of required readings, complete with identical covers. Reportedly smelling like an expired rotisserie chicken and mint vapor, Jackinoff continues, “…and the college bookstore, they just decided which side they’re on, they’re on the side of the people.”

Noticing this need, the bookstore initiated a beta-testing phase of which Jackinoff was a part: “I get emotional talking about it; it really was so sick. I went to class, opened it up and finally, no words to guilt-trip me into reading…also, did you just call me a beta?” Sources confirm Jackinoff spent the rest of the class flipping through the blank pages when everyone else did, occasionally offering a thoughtful nod, and even underlining nothing with a highlighter. The trial was soon deemed a success, with student organizations even endorsing the vital role of blank books within the Tote-Bag–Matcha–Performative-Male community.

After years of declining sales, the bookstore fully committed to the program and released an official statement via AI voice-over and a montage of Peter Griffin falling down the stairs:

“We understand the fear that pumps through students when they don’t have the book. And it’s week two, meaning you can’t say it’s in transit anymore…it’s gut-wrenching and needlessly cruel. We’re filling a major gap in the market while healing the hearts of our students. Come get your blank readings (shhhhh) today, and for a limited time, each purchase will come with a link to an under-10-minute video summary of the text!”

With national literacy rates declining, Trinity College has positioned itself at the forefront of offering a shame-free and still just as expensive education for the effortless.