In an astounding recent interview, celebrated Trinity College alum Tucker Carlson ’91 sat down with mysterious Russian leader Vladimir Putin to ask the real questions the world wanted to know.
“My favorite flavor of Zyn is Coffee,” revealed Putin. The live audience was quick to react, with gasps and screams able to be heard on the broadcast. Carlson swiftly switched gears and asked Putin another question, although it’s safe to say that Putin’s response to this garnered even more of a reaction from the audience.
“I am actually a huge Drake fan,” Putin admitted before beginning to sing a perfect rendition of “God’s Plan.” “I listen to Drake almost every day, and I respect his decision to share the video online. His body, his choice.”
After saying this phrase, Carlson seemed to literally shut down, requiring an aide behind the camera to come onscreen and reset his hard drive. After a few minutes of Putin rapping Drake’s verse on “Forever” ft. Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem, Carlson came back to life.
The interview lasted two hours and the men did not mention the Russia- Ukraine war once. Look out for Carlson’s interview with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu next week, and U.S. President Joe Biden the week after, both of which continue Carlson’s war criminal interview series.