Closeted Introvert ’24
Don’t Text, Don’t Care
Do you let out a sigh of relief when your roommates admit they don’t want to spend the night in a steamy basement? Is the highlight of your night not going out, but getting ready? And last but certainly not least, is your favorite pastime making an Irish exit? If you answered yes to the three previous questions, I think it’s fair to say that you my friend are one who has JOMO…the joy of missing out. Honestly, it’s nothing to be ashamed of… some would even say it’s something to be proud of…that you are able to “practice restraint” but I’m sure at times you wish you weren’t the friend that had to be dragged out of the quad, so here’s what I suggest. As a closeted introvert myself, I know a thing or two about being the last one in and the first one out, but that’s not to say that on occasion I may venture off of the cozy quad couch only to find an elevated surface. So here’s what I suggest, start small. Sure you may not actually want to be there, but fake it ‘till you make it, the ice princess act is over, it’s time to loosen up. To Vernon you go! Thus, as the door to your favorite frat venue swings open to a crowd of backwards hat wearing D3 athletes, and barely dressed girls, clad in what are most likely Aritzia Melina pants and some form of shein top. This may be a liberal arts school, but we are still proponents of fast fashion. After what seems like a never-ending crowd of carefully coiffed Dyson air wrap hair, you make it to the bar, and the short king passes you the plastic cup of natty light (don’t even bother asking for a can, you’re not a brother). But beggars can’t be choosers now can they, and you can’t help but wonder? Is it too early to make the Irish exit outta here?