Studio Art Students Construct Blonde-O-Meter for Greek Life Use

Christian Anglo-Saxon ’27

Brunette, Sadly

On Sunday, March 29, students in Professor Drew Shyst’s studio art class unveiled their semester-long capstone project: a Blonde-O-Meter. 

The Blonde-O-Meter works by analyzing pigment in hair using the same technology as hair-removal lasers. The Blonde-O-Meter then categorizes color into one of three groups: Blonde, Blonde-ish, and Unmentionable. 

The goal of the art capstone was to create a machine that combines visual art with community engagement. “Ultimately, I wanted students to make something that makes an impact on daily life on Trinity’s campus,” Professor Shyst told the Tripod. “I did not expect it to go this direction,” he added. 

“We are donating the Blonde-o-Meter to whichever Greek life organization exhibits a demonstrated need,” Studio Art major Stacy Turnblatt ’26 stated. Fraternity Psi Upsilon has already made a public plea for the device, saying it would be “sick” to use at their door to guarantee that “brunettes and sub-5s” cannot come in. “We could definitely use it — our door guy is hella color blind and we’ve had some…incidents… with brunette girls coming in recently,” one Psi U brother recounts, shuddering. “Thanks to all the geeks in studio art for finally doing something worthwhile.” 

The IVY Society also made a bid for the Blonde-O-Meter. “Psi U will have to pry this out of our cold, dead hands,” IVY President Kimmy Hed ’27 told the Tripod in an official statement. When asked what they will do with the machine, Caroline Cassidy Clansy, Director of New Member Recruitment, said “It will make the rush process so much easier. We will no longer have to argue over which girls are more blonde. All the rest of the important qualities we look for in a sister, like bank account size, liquor tolerance and the ability to have an ugly boyfriend, are intuitive.” 
The Studio Art capstone class is aware of the stir their project has caused on campus. “Listen, I would say we did this as some social justice commentary on eurocentric beauty standards, but at the end of the day, I just have a ton of money invested in Revlon Colorsilk,” Turnblatt told the Tripod. “I think this just goes to show what visual creatures our students are,” stated Professor Shyst. “You could say that,” an anonymous Psi U brother quipped.