ConnPIRg Saves Every Single Bee in the Entire Whole World

Bee Lover ‘980

Totally Not a Bee

On March 26th, 2024, the Student Government Association made a grave and terrible mistake. The SGA of Trinity College decided in a unanimous vote to end ConnPIRG’s glorious and helpful budget of $21,000. The budget in question was to help our little campus and the greater Hartford community. In a statement the SGA stated

“Despite being funded by Trinity College students, ConnPIRG has not prioritized local advocacy initiatives that would directly benefit our campus or the greater Hartford community. The vast majority of CONNPIRG’s advocacy, work, and efforts, have been directed away from the Trinity campus, the Hartford community, and even the state of Connecticut.”

However, there is one thing that the SGA did not take into consideration, and that is the fact that ConnPIRG has saved every single bee that has ever existed in the entire world. The SGA was sorely mistaken that the only event connPIRG has thrown this school year with their $21,000 budget was the Pie Pi event (a forever helpful event where students can throw a pie at a frat brother). According to local bee residents in Hartford, the ConnPIRG association has saved them all!

In an interview with Barry Bee Benson, a member of the honeybee nest, he stated that “ConnPIRG has used all their funds to save every single bee in the whole wide world” and even went as far as to say that “ConnPIRG is the most helpful Trinity student organization because they used their entire budget to do what was promised: save every single bee in the entire world.” So how on earth could the SGA mess this up? How could they take away $21,000 from the bees?

Well, they didn’t. When Tripod investigators asked Benson about the alleged misuse of funds, Barry Bee Benson dropped dead. So, as it turns out, ConnPIRG has not saved every single bee in the whole wide world, as they once promised to the students of Trinity College. But, hey! They saved most of them, right? I don’t want to end this negatively, but if not the bees, at least someone was getting paid.